Trust, I Must
Wow. I've discovered an entire blogging community of courageous people leaving their lives to find new ones in Italy. It's been wonderful to find that element out there of (mostly) women who are ready to make the great trade of the familiar for the unknown. Reading through these blogs lately, I find myself in an emotional conflict--I just can't believe that my life in Italy...my dream, that tenacious itch that needed scratchin', shall we say...has come to an end. Even to admit that in writing is a bit frightening.
Though reading about these folks who are pioneering this modern American diaspora definitely inspires a bit of incredulous blues-sangin' nostalgia in me, I remember this: I chose to come home for a reason, just as I chose to leave almost 5 years ago. Today I have my own new trails to blaze--they may be old beginnings, but they are new starts to a remodeled life, nonetheless.
This current version of myself, created by a crazy 27 year-old who left everything to chase her passion across the ocean with a backpack and an empty Austin apartment, has turned 32 and is ready to get what she finally knows she wants.
That (not-so) silly 27 year-old gave a gift of an unforgettable experience to me. One that has enriched me and given me peace and a DESIRE to be still, for a while anyway. She gave me permission to be home and enjoy family, friends, and hopefully success.
She trusted her heart then, as I'm trying to trust it now. She brought me back home. I want to be home.
And for that I tell her thank you.
posted by Tracie P. at 3/11/2008 06:37:00 PM
25 Comments:
What a beautiful, yet sad, post.
I'm here, across the ocean from you, watching Rai Uno and itching like crazy so to speak, and I think I understand your nostalgia.
But you know, should you ever find yourself in a position where you can't resist to scratch anymore, Italy will still be there. It would be different but it would be yours alone.
And if that time never comes, I guess Texas ain't too bad either.
3/13/2008 4:20 AM
I'm finding right now that I have forgotten how to trust myself - the one from six years ago, and the one now, too. And, hell, the one from 20 years ago, for that matter. I've been working against the tide to get back to Rome, where everything is magic, but my current life circumstances have me firmly grounded in the South of France, instead. I'd love it here if I wasn't so busy hating it. So, thank you for reminding me to trust my heart.
3/13/2008 6:06 AM
Oh, l can not tell you how much l relate to your post. l have seen many people moving to Italy too and l also planned to go back. It does create conflict when you have done it and want to do it again but also want to put down roots. Since l have turned 30 what l want from life has changed so much.
Trust is definately the word and action here.
3/13/2008 7:53 AM
Beautiful post Tracie B.
3/13/2008 8:46 AM
nice story, not so cheerful , but well written...thanks
3/13/2008 9:21 AM
I think you were brave to go back though you definitely did the right thing if that's what you felt you had to do. Good luck with everything and keep posting!
3/13/2008 3:32 PM
Tracie,
This is such a beautiful post, full of so much truth and (already!) wisdom. I really relate, and although our circumstances are different, I feel like I can understand so much of what you've articulated. I also was in Italy for 5 years prior to coming back here!
But, you've hit the nail on the head, m'dear about the all too important lesson in this crazy world - follow your heart and trust. You have and it sounds like you will continue...I'm raising my glass to you from California to Texas, filled with a good glass of Italian Amarone. Salute!!!
3/13/2008 9:10 PM
Well I'm glad you're here again, blogging. Texas or Italy, it's such a joy to follow you along with your life. :-)
As for the rest, you are one wise chica.
Besos from Buenos Aires :-)
3/14/2008 11:14 AM
Hmmm...and I wonder what the 37-yr-old will have learned and thank the 32-yr-old for?
I also want to add that I admire you (both at 27 and at 32) for being brave enough to say, "no, this isn't right, time for a change." Then actually doing something about it. Awesome!
Oh, and I don't find what you wrote to be sad (as some have said here), I see it as hopeful.
Gretchen
3/15/2008 11:15 PM
thanks y'all! and look at how we are all girls here...such girly post, no?
your words of encouragement are makin' me get all sappy again!
and i agree gretchen, it is hopeful...life is good right now
3/17/2008 7:14 AM
Hello its blog would be prettier with tv channel - http://www.br-tv-online.com
3/17/2008 2:09 PM
Hello Tracie. I haven't posted in a while, sorry. That's what happens when you have a baby :). He was born on Nov. 19th. What is going on with you these days, besides being back home in TX? Will you let us know what made you leave Italy? Unless, I missed it??? Hope to hear from you. Hugs.
3/17/2008 10:38 PM
I'm so glad you're back--on the internet, that is.
I have recently moved home myself, although I didn't go nearly as far geographically, it was like a whole other world. I feel exactly the same way as you when people say "WHY would you leave Charleston?" I know it's right. It feels very right.
Welcome back! Please keep feeding us torturously tiny bits of information about what's been happening..haha..
3/19/2008 8:20 AM
I just wanted to say thanks to you; my Italian dream started 2 years ago and 2 weeks ago I finally made it to Rome to live through my own 5 years of new experiences :) I've been reading your blogs for ages, they've kept me entertained and my interest in Italy sustained. Best of luck in whatever you do!! Bacione. From Clare in Rome
3/21/2008 3:02 PM
Good luck to you-wherever you choose to be.
3/22/2008 7:15 PM
I try again
It didnt work, Tracie try my winewebsite www.vinomaccarone.com
Ciao
Piero
3/24/2008 10:38 AM
Trac. . . sorry. . . but happy. .. .wonderful to read. . .hard to imagine. . . it is all gone.. . . I loved your writings. . . look forward to your new writings. . .
Maybe. . . some how. . . we can meet. . . someday....
Welcome home Trac. . . it has been a wonderful ride.
Ciao
3/26/2008 9:24 PM
I'm sure it was an amazing experience. who knows what's around the next corner???
4/04/2008 2:54 PM
I miss you blog bud. You were like my 1st blog friend - ever.
4/07/2008 4:04 PM
Such a lovely post. I'm sorry to find your blog at the end of this particular journey. As someone longing to find their way to Italy, I look forward to reading through your archives to see what I might learn from your story and your bravery. Thank you.
4/08/2008 6:18 PM
Glad to hear that you are well as I was beginning to wonder if something happened to you. Good luck in your life back home.
5/02/2008 1:54 AM
So now I am caught up on your adventures and am ready to hear more!
5/23/2008 3:09 PM
Hope all is going well girl!
5/26/2008 5:26 AM
Dear Tracie B.
(from a 42 yr old 'lad' in UK!)
A couple of reasons why I want to leave you (and all your friendly followers here) a comment.
Firstly, for no apparent reason I have thought that if there was any where in the world where I would choose to live my life and up roots right now, it would be in Italy.
Of course I understand the 'wander-lust' feeling that people like us have, difference with myself being that I've never wandered from my UK home or for that matter travelled to other countries (except for during my previous military career) and mostly this is due to the fact that I don't have the financial means to do so and also that I have a family.
Nevertheless, my desire to wander, to experience new cultures, a different way of life is great.
Secondly, I have just this week registered to this e blogger site and then questioned "why the heck should I feel the desire to blog?"
"What purpose would it serve?" and "Why would anyone be interested in reading my personal blogs?"
Well Tracie, your blog gave me reasons and answers to all my thoughts.
I stumbled upon your blog by typing 'spend my life in italy' into the google bar.
How else, I wonder, did all your friends here, 'find you'?
I think that what you have done, both in your 'passion' to be someplace that you were 'itching' to be...to chase your dream, and through your journal of personal thoughts here.....of your spirit, your journey of life, what has been and what will become of......is both inspiring and heartfelt.
Thank you and enjoy your life x
5/26/2008 8:34 PM
Tracie B, I'm sure glad she brought you back. :-) And I'm looking forward to your "Life Italian" stateside.
11/06/2008 10:00 PM
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