Talking in Texan, Lesson Three

After last week's challenging footnote, I hope you're ready to move on. Here we go!

boll: boil, pronounced...well, "boll"
contextual example: We done ate 'bout 200 pounds of bolled crawfeesh thuther day.

thuther: the other, pronounced "thuuuuhther "
contextual example: (you may also see the example for boll)
Person A: You wont thiswin?
Person B: No, I wont thutherwin.

Do you smell that? I think my spell-checker is burning...

Foresaken

I've entered what appears to be Hell, and upon its foreboding office door in pubescing script are the words "substitute teach in your local high school!" I feel that I must have conducted cruel scientific experiments on innocent third-world children in my past life, because I seem to be paying off some wicked karma...

...nasty 9th grade karma that cusses like a seasoned sailor who's been ripped off by a one-legged hooker.

Tobelicious

...he puts 'dem girls on ROCKROCK.

Just in case you have missed seeing pictures of my family (HA), here are some more more pics of our growing little Tobey.

Ahwaddawaddababycutiepie! Aaahwaddawaddababycutiepie! Oh yes he is! Oh yes he is! (Shut up. If you were holding that little chunky boy you wouldn't be able to control yourself either.)

LOOK at those delicious cheeks! You know you wanna to pinch 'em.

Didn't you always hate the aunt that did that to you? Now I understand. Totally.

Isn't he getting big? The Tober (that's my niece's nickname for him--kid'll never figure what his name is) has gained about 2 pounds in 10 days, and just for moral support, so have I!

That's what I call being a dedicated aunt.

Talking in Texan, Lesson Two

So I hope that y'all have been practicing your new Texan vocabulary. Now that we have muhskeetas under our belts, let's learn some compound words.

mamanim: (noun, plural and/or singular) mom and them, as in your mother, or sometimes used to refer to one's entire family

Contextual Example:
Nephew: Uncle Ricky, can I have a coke?
Uncle: I don't know Brady, you better ask your mamanim.
Nephew: She said yes.
Uncle: Alright, what kahnyouwont (kind you want)?

Charmin', idn't** it?

**idn't: (contraction) meaning "is not", pronounced "idnt," soft on the d, and dropping the t. Sorry folks, stay with me. We have entered some complex, muhskeeta-filled dialectical territory here.

Talking in Texan, Lesson One

I've spoken to y'all before about how Italians pronounce our English words and now that I'm home visiting I would like to share with you how we Texans (Southeast, at least) like to pronounce our English words. This is the first in a series of vocabulary lessons that will have you speaking of the old republic like a true native.

Lesson #1

muhskeetahs: more commonly recognized as mosquitoes

Contextual example: "Well you jist cain't watch the game with awthese muhskeetas!"

See how easy it is!

He is SUCH an attention hog

Tobey Reed! 3/21/07, 7 lbs. 8 oz, 18.5 inches long (The metric system is SO overrated)

Proud siblings :)

Sshhh! Tobey-wan Kenobe is sleeping! (I couldn't help it. You know with an aunt like me, he doesn't stand a chance.)

Finally

My nephew will make his debut today! I went to the obstetrician yesterday with my sis and they found out that the stubborn little bugger was ready jump out feet first, so cesarean it is. We scheduled it for one-o-clock today and I couldn't be happier.

My sister is extremely disappointed that she will not have to live through yet another excruciating natural labor and delivery, which makes her about one sandwich short of a picnic if you ask me. Despite her high hopes for hours of pushing a large object through a small area, things will proceed surgically and we will see our new little guy this evening.

A domani!

What a Forecast

I was reading my March horoscope and here is a little snippet of my near future:

"...Uranus will be close to the Sun this month.."

Makes me want to say OUCH!

Italians Quoted #6

"Signorina, would you like to take my seat?"

-Very sweet, very old lady (the kind with a cane and a head scarf) on the bus offering me her seat. Can you believe that she offered me her seat? What does it take for a fragile elderly woman to offer her seat to another person fifty years her junior?

What can I say? It must have been the turkey neck...

That's What I Get

It's been a while since anyone has landed on my blog by doing a Google search for anything other than Italian boobs and Dominic the donkey, but a couple of weeks ago someone found me by searching for this, word for word (and you can click on it):

neck looks like old turkey neck

Does a turkey have to be old to have turkey neck? I bet their second search was "ugly wrinkled neck looks like rotten flabby old dead turkey carcass neck," because the first search just wasn't specific enough. Imagine someone, late at night, feverishly pecking these words at the keyboard. It sounds like a fetish to me. I wouldn't be surprised.

Anyway, I didn't didn't think I had quite reached that point, but thanks anyway Google. Just as soon as I find my walker, I'll be in the back playing with my wattle.

Italian Desserts Quoted

Tracie! TRRRRRACIE! TracietracietracietracietracietracieTRACIE!!!!!! Come-a here-a! Get over here-a a-DIS-A meenut and open-a dis-uh refridgeratorrrr-uh doorr-uh! Take-a me out! TAKE-a. ME-a. OUT-uh. You must-a to eat! What? You already a-hadda serveeng of me? Oh Trrrrrehzzzy, non fa niente! Trrehzzy, you know-a you cannot-uh resista the coookeez anda the cafe'! And-a the cream-a, Tracie, the mascarpone! Tracie...Tracie...Trrrraaaaacie. Mangia. Just-a one-a leettle piece. It ees-a good-a for you. TRACIE! TTTRRRAAACCCIIE!

-Sunday's loud-mouth tiramisu, calling me with a muffled voice from inside the fridge


**Want to put an end to cravings? click here.